I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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