Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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