How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
