Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize