im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
