Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
