So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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