dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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