Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
