Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
