I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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