Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
