She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
