i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize