he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
