I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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