you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
