dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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