Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just googled if crying burns calories
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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