hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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