I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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