If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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