If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
