Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
