i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
