I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
