Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
