my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
