do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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