And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
