That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
