My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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