then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
