U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
