I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
