Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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