Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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