The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
