i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
