about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
