Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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