that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
