brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
