in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
