margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
