Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So much Jack, so little girl.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
