When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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