shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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