sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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