apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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