I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
