if you like me you must not know who I am
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
