Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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