Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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