dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
