i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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