there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
