i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
