he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
