he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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