just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
