Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
