My first STD was from a foam party
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize