I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
