I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
