u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
