There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
