Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
