the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
