Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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