I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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