Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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