i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
