Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize