WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
