Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
