I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
