What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
