i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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