I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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