nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My balls are so social today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize