Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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