apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
